that's an acceptable place to lick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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