My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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