i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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