We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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