Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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