i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
