your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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