I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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