just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
