Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
