I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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