I wanna passion pit in your ass
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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