I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
