New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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