I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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