i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
