did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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