I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize