She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
