On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
