Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
