Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
whose parrot is this?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i believe in u and ur pee
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