My liver just broke up with me...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
