Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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