I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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