Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
