I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
