i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
