So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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