I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
