i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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