I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
