dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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