So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
