OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
ok first of all what the fuck
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