did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
