I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
