Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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