I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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