I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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