that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
