For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
