I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
