I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Porn is love you can see.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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