I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
