I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
