I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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