My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
