hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
