My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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