i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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