I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
