i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
