dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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