There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
