HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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