Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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