Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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