were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
