if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Buhtt sex?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
