You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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