so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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