Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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