Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
