you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
did you just send me my own nude
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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