is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize