I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We left an ass print on the piano.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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