Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
