Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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