I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
