We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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