she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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