Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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