You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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